Single for more than 10 years - am I relationship-phobic?
Hey freshsingles, briefly to me ... I am male and have been single for exactly 10 years and 11 months. Actually, I'm fine. But since I'm already 36 years old, I'm slowly getting the fear of being left on the shelf. My last and at the same time longest relationship lasted almost three years and was actually great. However, I did not have many long-term relationships.
The last few years have also been okay, sometimes I even really like to be alone. I'm just afraid that I've got used to my freedom too much and that I won't find a girl for a long-term relationship at all.
By the way, I look normal and I'm actually quite athletic. I also have a variety of hobbies and thus keep coming into contact with new people. Unfortunately the right one with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life was not there yet!
I am a demanding person, but that alone can't be the reason? Am I perhaps relationship-phobic? Do I still have a chance to find my dream woman?
Nonsense! - You definitely don't need a psychologist; I agree with the other opinions. Focus on your hobbies or your sport, and you will surely come across someone or be found! Don't isolate yourself; go out and have fun, everything else will fall into place naturally. You just have to be brave enough at the right moment! If you maintain your positive attitude, it will surely work out.
Off to the psychologist! No, it's not meant to be offensive, but I suspect you might have some blockages. Your self-image seems relatively good; you describe yourself as broadly interested, not unattractive, and athletic. However, how are you perceived by women? Do they sense that you have comfortably settled into your life and love your freedom? Perhaps this unconsciously comes across as aloof, and the ladies pick up on the fact that you subconsciously don't want to commit? From personal experience, I can only advise you to find a good psychologist and have a casual chat with them. You'll see, it helps tremendously.
You write that you have various hobbies. Do you sit in your basement and work on your electric train, or do you also go out sometimes? Perhaps you can find a suitable club for your hobbies? That way, you can kill two birds with one stone by sharing your interests with like-minded people and possibly finding a special someone among them. I wish you good luck!
Not so easy when you're over 30! I suspect he's already too settled into his routine. He does mention that he enjoys his freedom. However, that's not always a good thing because freedom can also lead to loneliness. From my experience, as you get older, the opportunities to celebrate decrease significantly because all friends and acquaintances already have families. Consequently, the chance of meeting a lady of the right age who is both single and interested in him also decreases.
I think you need to approach the situation more strategically. The fact that you're registered here is already a good step in the right direction. For example, I often attend singles parties, which has the advantage that you flirt with like-minded individuals. Perhaps you could research single events such as over-30 parties in your area.
Where is the problem? Just go out and party more, then you'll find someone! You just have to navigate the world with open eyes! Don't isolate yourself, go out and don't try to force anything; happiness comes on its own. Of course, you have to want it and not cowardly withdraw when a girl shows interest. As a man, you still have to fight for a woman, court her, and above all, talk, talk, talk! I, myself, am just someone who doesn't like to rely on others.
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