My wife cheated on me! How do I get to trust her again?
I'm usually not a suspicious person, but when my wife started looking into her smartphone some time ago (it all started about a year ago) and just didn't notice me anymore, I wanted to know what was there going on. So I just checked her cell phone and hoped I couldn't find anything bad. I know I shouldn't have done that. I don't usually do that either, but it all felt very strange to me.
Actually, I've always assumed that we don't have any problems in our relationship. So my horror was all the greater when I discovered that my wife had written to another man. I immediately confronted her. At first she denied everything and told me that this didn't mean anything and that I shouldn't be jealous until she finally confessed to me that she had a sexual affair with this man. Yes, had! But out of love for me, she ended this affair again shortly afterwards and there would certainly be nothing more going on. Since the last message from the guy was some time ago, I believed her.
I am done with this topic. Still, I just can't trust her anymore. Do you have any tips for me on how I can trust her again? Because I still love her more than anything and don't want to lose her to another guy because of jealousy.
To be able to trust your wife again after something like this, there’s really only one thing that truly matters: time.
Yeah, I know — “time heals all wounds” sounds like the most worn-out cliché in the book. But damn, there’s a ton of truth in it anyway.
If you’ve genuinely decided — in both your head and your heart — to forgive her for the affair and keep building your life together, then you’re going to need a lot of patience… and some serious self-discipline.
What do I mean by self-discipline? Simple: you’ve got to keep yourself in check.
You have to get a grip on the jealousy that’s still burning inside you. And trust me — that’s not easy. It takes real strength and it’ll wear you down sometimes.
But that’s exactly the only way you can give her the feeling that you’re not constantly watching her, checking her phone, playing detective, or slowly suffocating her with suspicion.
Everything else? Time will handle it… together with how your wife behaves from here on out.
If she stays faithful and slowly starts acting more like the woman you fell in love with again, the whole process will become easier — and usually quite a bit faster — until you can truly open your heart and trust her on a much deeper level again.
My ex-wife also cheated on me a few years ago. I truly loved my wife more than anything, and I can only tell you that if you truly love a woman, fight for her and your relationship. It won't be easy, and you'll have to put in continuous effort. But believe me, it can be worth it. It took me about two years back then to trust my wife again. There was always a certain level of mistrust, but it faded over time. We always talked a lot. I also asked her why she did it. She thought I didn't love her anymore. I have to admit, I spent a lot of time on my job and hobbies back then, neglecting my wife a bit. Do a lot of things together and simply have a good time. I wish you all the best for your relationship and hope that you can trust again!
I haven't had such negative experiences myself, but I know the problem from my parents. My parents cheated on each other a few years ago. My father took revenge on my mother and he found a lover. Unfortunately, that only made things worse and today they are divorced.
I would have liked to give you more hope, but unfortunately this is not to fix. I hope that you might find another deal with your wife and I wish you all the best for the future.
Hello, I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I have already had experience with it and I can only tell you that it will no longer work. I am convinced that your wife will soon be looking for other men again. Unfortunately, that was the case with me too. Sooner or later I had to part with my wife. Maybe that's the best for you too!
First of all, my sincere condolences! Unfortunately, I know such a situation from my own experience. Honestly, it took a long time to reconcile with my partner and even longer to truly trust them again. You should be very sure whether your partner is worth it, otherwise, I advise against it because it's really not a pleasant time ahead for you.
One simple way to gain clarity about your partner's motivation is by offering an open relationship. You could suggest to your wife that you both can see other people, even more than just flirting, with the condition of being honest about it afterward. This way, trust is maintained, and you're not forced to lie to each other. Depending on your wife's reaction, you'll quickly gauge how much she values your relationship and whether she's willing to grant you the same rights or if your offer highlights that she actually doesn't want an open relationship.
Depending on her response, you have different options. If she vehemently rejects the idea, then you've opened her eyes to what she's done to you. Then, everything is essentially fine, and you can give her a new chance – but with the feeling that you're in control and don't have to feel like a victim anymore. Or she accepts the offer. Then you have two options again. Either you now have clarity about her views on fidelity and end the relationship if an open love isn't an option for you. Or perhaps such an open relationship is worth a try, and who knows, maybe you both will like it?
Whatever happens, you should take the initiative and step out of the victim role. I wish you all the best!
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