Obvious invitation to sex or misunderstanding?
Everyone of you probably knows this sentence. The first date is coming to an end, as a gentleman you naturally bring the lady home to the front door. You say goodbye and then she says the magic sentence ... 'So, do you want to come up with me?'
A friend of mine recently said that this was an obvious invitation from a woman to have sex. I've been told this sentence many times, but I've never had sex after the first date. I really never thought anything of it and was always very decent when I was invited into a woman's apartment. Was I always too decent and never noticed that she wanted more?
Is this a kind of unwritten law for you women to signal that you want sex? As a man, can I assume that a woman want to go to bed with me if I hear this sentence on the first date? Does she really only want sex from me when she invites me to her home?
But now I'm looking forward to the answers, especially from the women's point of view. Because my assumption does not come from me as a man, that is the statement of a woman!
As a woman, I wanna answer your question about whether the line "So, you wanna come up?" is an obvious invite for sex or if you're misreading it as a guy. Here's my take.
When a woman (myself included) asks that, there are only two possibilities:
1. We want sex
2. We find the guy so interesting we just wanna keep chatting
And the first option is definitely more likely. As a woman, I want to be pursued by a potential long-term partner. If I’m asking a guy to come up, the chase is pretty much over for him. So "marriage material" guys rarely get asked to come up on the same night. Wrapping up the pursuit on day one—where’s the butterflies, the anxious waiting for a text?
If I want sex, though, asking the guy who’s walking me home to come up is an easy move. And everyone knows what it means—or at least that sex is definitely on the table. It still depends on the vibe once you’re upstairs, since people act differently in private than out in public. Sometimes both are too shy to make the first move—kinda a shame.
So, asking someone to "come up" isn’t a blatant sex invite, but it’s absolutely an invite for "anything could happen."
I would say, it already strongly suggests it when a woman says that... but usually, in such a case, women also send other signals that sometimes don't get through... :D
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