Help! I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend! What now?
Hello everyone,
My best friend and I have known each other since elementary school, and we've been inseparable for over 12 years. We share everything and have experienced a lot together.
Now, she's been with her boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and she's incredibly happy with him. Of course, we sometimes do things together, and he joins us. But that's exactly where my problem arises! Every time we're together (we recently went bowling together), I can't take my eyes off him. And when my friend is away, either going to the restroom or taking a smoke break, I find myself getting along incredibly well with him!
I believe he might have developed feelings for me too, as that smile and good mood seem genuine!
For me, it's clear that I'm head over heels in love with him. But how do I tell my friend? Should I tell her, and if so, how? What's the best situation to bring it up, and what happens afterward? Urgently seeking advice! Thank you.
Well, it's naturally super awkward to be in love with your best friend's partner. But that's just how it is. Why torture yourself? Just tell her and her boyfriend, whom you've fallen for, straight up. If he's man enough and chooses between you two, then it's settled. If he chooses your friend, then it's all clear. It's a crappy situation for you, but one should stand by their feelings. However, if he chooses you, you'll have a new boyfriend but no best friend anymore. That's just life!
Being in love and loving someone are fundamentally different things ;)
And yet, in principle, one can feign good mood, smiles, and laughter.
Apart from the betrayal of your girlfriend, do you seriously think that someone who would get involved with his girlfriend's best friend could ever be faithful?
If there really should be love between you and him (which I doubt), it must always come from both sides. In that case, he MUST be the one to break up with your girlfriend first, and then you can talk to her about developing feelings for him! Anything else will only result in conflict, disappointment, and anger, and in the best case scenario, both of them will want nothing to do with you.
I would also be honest with my girlfriend. I would invite her for a walk and tell her how important our friendship is to me and that I don't want to give it up under any circumstances, no matter what happens. This way, you'll directly learn her opinion about your friendship and see where she stands. Then be honest! However, before that, you should be sure if you can continue to live with this particular situation until you have "unloved" yourself. If the three of you have a good relationship, it might also help to discuss it together. It depends on how open you all are and your ages. All the best!
Have you already talked to him about your feelings and are you sure that he reciprocates them? I don't think you can or should establish a relationship with this guy! And, you should definitely be honest with your friend. Imagine if she were in love with your boyfriend, and you didn't know what they were up to behind your back?
It might be difficult, but meet with her and tell her everything. Then give her time to process it, and respect her feelings no matter what. Good luck and all the best!
For me, blood is still thicker than water, and since you've known your girlfriend for such a long time and can talk to her about everything, you should definitely be honest with her in this situation! Invite her to your home and explain your feelings and fears to her. Only this way do you have the chance to keep her as your girlfriend. Perhaps it will help if you don't arrange any more meetings with the three of you for a while, and you get a bit of distance from the situation. I wish you much success!
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